The Crazy Animals
                                                            By Alicia Joy Broadhurst & Haley Livore
                                                              With Some Help From Zack Green

Mel: Dearest Andrew Burke,
If you want to go to the dance with me, you can.  I think you are cute, and dreamy, and I <b/>LOVE YOU!
Hugs and Kisses,
Mel
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO XO

Mel: Perfect. I’ll go mail it now, maybe…

Puts in her pocket and walks toward home.  As she walks about thirty steps, the note falls out of her pocket but she doesn’t even notice.

………………………………………………………………………………

Haley is walking along the sidewalk, and she sees the note.

Haley: What’s this?  Dearest Andrew Burke…OOOOOOHHH!!!!!!

Haley puts the note in her pocket and goes home.

………………………………………………………………………………..

Haley: Hi, Mel!
Mel: Hi!
Haley: I found a note you wrote to ANDREW BURKE!
Mel's face blushes.
Mel: (Gasp) Huh?  Uh, um, well, um…
Haley: Its mushy gushy!
Mel: Shut up.
Haley: (Sensing Mel getting mad) It’s all fun and games until someone looses and eye.  Then it's Ping-pong!
Mel: Shut up about Andrew.
Haley: Gee, Mel, I never knew you felt that way about Andre—oof!  Hey!  Stop! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Haley takes off and top speed away from Mel who just socked her one.

Haley: Pant, Pant!  Gee, Mel’s vicious.
Mel: HALEY!!!
Haley: Uh, oh!
Haley takes off again, because Mel is chasing her, and is not far behind.



Haley: OOF!!!  What the?  Oh, sorry, Alicia. Hee, hee!
Alicia: Its OK.  Why are you running?
Haley: Mel.
Alicia: Oh.
Haley: Uh oh.  Here she comes again.  I’d better get going.
Alicia: I’ll come.
Haley: Fine by me.
Alicia: Ok, let’s go.
Haley: I agree.
Haley: Oh, Alicia!  Look over there!  It’s Zack!
Alicia & Haley: Hi, Zack!
Zack: Hi!
Haley: Come on!  Let’s go!
Zack & Alicia: OK.

(Time passes by) ……………………………………………………………...

Kinder (garten) People (KP): AHHHHHH!!! Help us!
Haley & Alicia: What was that?  Did you hear that?
Zack: Yeah, what was that?
Alicia: I’m not sure what it was, but it sure sounded like a call for help to me.
Haley: Yeah.

Meanwhile, the evil Ms. McEvoy, and her partner in crime, Mrs. Geller decoded they didn’t like the kindergarteners, and therefore, they would throw them into the river.

Ms. McEvoy: Hahahaha!  I am the Evil Ms. McEvoy.  Nobody can defeat me!  I HATE these lowly kids, and I will get rid of them forever!  MMWWAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAHHHAAAHHHAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KP: NO!  Please help us!  Mommy!  Somebody help us!
Enter Haley, Zack, and Alicia.
Zack, Haley & Alicia: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Mrs. Geller: (Whispering) Uh oh!  We’re caught!  Ms. McEvoy!  Think fast!
Ms. McEvoy: Erm, we’re just taking the kindergarteners for a walk…
Zack: I don’t believe you!
Alicia: Yeah!  We heard screams.
Ms. McEvoy: They were just having fun.  Playing tag. (Does the ‘Cut Off Your Head’ gesture toward the KP.)
Haley: Why were they calling for help?
Ms. McEvoy: You know them…they say strange things when they’re about to be tagged.
Alicia: (Sarcastically) Oh, that’s reasonable.  We’ll go now.
Zack, Haley, and Alicia leave.
Mrs. Geller: Let’s do it tomorrow when nobody’s suspicious.

……………………………………………………………………………

Alicia, Haley, and Zack go the Clubhouse at night.  As everyone walks into the clubhouse, Alicia stops Haley for a moment.

Alicia: Haley, why were you running from Mel today?
Haley: (Now Grinning) Oh, because I found a not that Mel wrote to ANDREW BURKE!!!!!
Alicia: No way!
Haley: Yes way! It said, Dearest Andrew Burke, if you want to go to the dance with me, you can.  I think you are cute, and dreamy, and I LOVE YOU!  Hugs and Kisses, Mel. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO (Haley bursts our laughing)
Alicia: (Talking between the giggles) Hahahah!!! Really?!
Haley: Yup!
Zack: Hey!  Let me see that!
Zack takes the note.
Zack: Dearest Andrew Burke…
After a few seconds, Zack snorts and bursts out laughing as well.  All enter the clubhouse.
Eric: Hey, Railroad Tracks!  How ya doin’? Wassup?
Haley: Um, hi, Eri—
Eric: Hey, what does pink and blue make?  Haley’s mouth!
Haley: Eric please, I’m kind of busy.  What do you want?  All my money?  A huge lizard?
Eric: I’d rather have you.
Haley: What?  You little…
Haley slaps Eric across the face.
Eric: Oooh!  Getting a little aggressive?  Hitting your boyfriend?
Haley: Boyfriend? I’m not—
Eric: Give me some sugar, Baby!
Zack: Oh, quit acting like Ash from Evil Dead!
Alicia: KISS HIM FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!!!
Raymo: Now this is what I call a Spectator Sport!
Everyone: KISS HIM!  KISS HIM!  KISS HIM!
Haley: What do you want me to give you so you’ll leave me alone?
Eric: A nice little smoocherama!
Haley: ……Oh, fine. But if you don’t leave me alone…
Haley leans forward; Eric grabs her, and pulls her offstage.
Haley: (Offstage) What the?  Hey! Let go of me, you—
Eric: Oh, you wanna have something better, eh?
Haley: EEEEEEEEE!!
Haley runs back on stage, and hides behind Alicia.
Mrs. Durst: Everyone, I’m very sorry, but Jane and I will be missing tonight’s presentation because we are attending an opera.
Jane: Bye!
Everyone: Bye!
Zack: Well what a great way to change the subject.
Raymo: OK, everyone. Let’s sit down and watch tonight’s entertainer.
Chelsea: Who is doing the honors tonight?
Haley & Eric: I am!
Raymo: Well, who did it last night?
Haley: Eric did!  (Turns to Eric.) Haha! I’m doing it tonight!  Haha!  Na-na-na-na-poo-poo!
Eric: Yeah, you’re doing it tonight—with me!
Haley: Shut up, you donkey!
Raymo: Eric! What did you learn in health?!
Eric: Uh, nothing?
Raymo: And just WHAT were you doing during heath?
Eric: (With a big smile on his face) Looking at MY Puppy-Wuppy-Shnoopy!
Haley:  I’m warning you…ME???!!!
Everyone: Ooohhh!!!
Raymo: Okay, Eric, Haley’s doing the honors tonight, okay?
Eric: Darn.
Haley: Okay, here we go!  123…
Everyone: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America…’

Everyone: (Clapping)
Raymo: And no, our entertainer for the night, Eric Hutt, with a special presentation for Haley.
Eric: Thank you, thank you…(Steps on stage) Haley, my puppy, my little shnuppy-wuppy; you are the one who I wish to dedicate my life to.  Haley, I love you—
Haley: Tell me something I don’t know.
Eric: I love you like I love…I don’t know, I just love you more than anything!  Now, forget your ex from nursery school, Jeff—
Haley: HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM?!
Zack: I told him.  Jeff is in Boy Scouts with me, and he told me you were his ex-girlfriend.
Eric: Forget him, stay with me, and let us never part.
Everyone applauds.

Zack: Eric, that was beautiful.  Now get out of Haley’s hair, SHE HAS A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU, OKAY!!!  YOU GOT THAT?! HUH?!
Eric: Okay, okay!
Alicia: Wow.  You dispatched him quite well.
Haley: No!  Eric, come back my darling, I have something to tell you my dear!
Eric: What!?  What is it?  Tell me my cute Puppy!
Haley: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
Everyone: OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!!!
Eric pulls Haley offstage.
Eric: (From offstage) Haley, I give you this pin, with all my heard.  You are the—
Haley: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get the idea, now what does it say?
Eric: See for yourself, my little zebra.
Haley: ‘Its not just a crush, its love’? Oh, Eric, I never knew you felt like this.
Eric: Yes, you did.  Now shut up and kiss me!
Haley: Didn’t we do that already?
Eric: Again?
Haley: All right.
Smooching sounds come from backstage.

Zack: This may take a while. (Mutters under his breath) Lucky little idiot…
Alicia: Zack, maybe you should stop saying these things.
Zack: What are you implying?  I don’t take kindly to intimidation.
Alicia: Nothing, I’m just saying that some people might get a bit ticked off.
Zack: Oh, yeah.  Okay.